I’ve wrecked my train

In the years of March 2011 – January 2017 I ate a total of 2 doughnuts.  I ate 2 doughnuts this past Friday. I ate 2 doughnuts on Thursday. I ate 2 doughnuts and a bear claw on Wednesday.  I’ve eaten doughnuts all darn year.  Every time I ate one I told myself not to eat it, but I did it anyway.  I didn’t take myself seriously when I said not to.  You see, food is my drug of choice. Doughnuts is a symbol of my struggle.  I push back against the words “food addiction”.  However, yes, I am a food addict.   Foods with the combo of sugar, fat and flour are my drugs.   There is no such thing as “moderation” when it comes to drugs so why do we try to fool ourselves into thinking we can let the food that doesn’t serve us well into our lives.

You see, I had it under control.  I lulled myself into thinking I could let up off the brake and give it a little gas.  I do see that some difficult, stressful life situations pulled me back and I allowed it. Oh.. it was slow.   A little more gas here and there until BAM! I’ve wrecked my train.

I do see things that occurred in my young life from about the age of 4 through my teens that started me on the path of an unhealthy relationship with food.  If I allow myself to peel back the curtain and take a look, I know. It isn’t easy to look, but it’s important to do so.  It is also important not to allow those things to control you and your relationship with food for your entire life.  We do have the power to choose and take control. However, often we must take an unvarnished look at the whys, own up to the reality and choose to move forward with some positive action. We cannot stay in “victim mode”.  To do so relinquishes too much power.

So here I am a few days shy of age 54 and I’m finding myself fighting the same battle – again.  I’m armed with lots of education, history and knowledge of what I need to do, what I must do, what I have successfully done in the past.  Now I must implement it.  Is it easy?  Heck no. Is it possible?  Heck yes.  Is it difficult in terms of complexity?  No. Does it require effort to consistently execute?  Of course.   Worth it?  Oh yes.  Giving up because I wrecked my train?  Oh No!  Blaming anyone or anything else but myself? Nope.  Victim mode is not engaged.  Am I beautiful, smart and worthy of love just the way I am?  Of course.  Blinders on to being fatter than I want and need to be and needing to course correct?  No way.

Are your blinders on?

If you need support, guidance and professional assistance then GET IT.

Stay Healthy. Be STRONG.  Get After It.

 

Congrats! You are a Chicken

Congrats! You are a Chicken.

What? But I want to be an Eagle! What do you mean I’m a chicken?

You are a Fabulous chicken! Isn’t that what you were going after?

No. No! I want to be an Eagle, I’ve been working at being an Eagle.

Do you see what just happened here? It is like what my mother and I’m sure generations of mothers and grandmothers have repeated through the years: “You are the company you keep”.   If you want to be an Eagle then you need to surround yourself with Eagles and model your habits and behaviors to those that the Eagles have.  If you want to be an Eagle, but hang out with a bunch of chickens then you are pretty much setting yourself up for failure as far as being an Eagle. Before you get all riled up “But Jen! nothing wrong with a chicken – chickens are pretty darn groovy”.  Hey! You got it, I know it – chickens are pretty darn awesome sauce, but not if you want to be an Eagle. Get what I’m saying?

If you have goals that you want to accomplish, then you need to be sure you are setting yourself up for success.   That means you will be arming yourself with the right tools, surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals, taking yourself out of your comfort zone, will be making some changes and you need to be prepared to be challenged. Change isn’t easy and it is almost always uncomfortable.  If we want to make changes, yet wrap a warm blanket of the same-same around ourselves then what do we end up with?  We end up wanting and saying we want to be an Eagle, but we are not doing what we need to do to become an Eagle. We are still hanging out with chickens because we know the chickens, we know how to be a chicken, the chickens tell us “there there it’s OK you deserve to give yourself a break, you deserve it, tomorrow is another day, you don’t really want to be an Eagle anyway”. Pat pat, soothe soothe. This goes on tomorrow and the next day, the next month, the next year.  You are beating yourself up, bemoaning “ohhh I want to be an Eagle, why can’t I be an Eagle?  I work so hard, I just must not be cut out to be an Eagle”.  The chickens are still soothing you, commiserating with you, telling you what you want to hear.  The Eagles?  They are like – hey chick! If you want to be an Eagle come on over here with us and let us show you how it’s done.

We Become What We Want to Be by Consistently Being What We Want to Become Each Day

If you have goals you want to accomplish, arm yourself with the proper tools to accomplish those goals.  Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who walk the walk, talk the talk and have the behaviors and habits that make them what it is that makes you want to be like them.  Be willing to surround yourself with individuals who will tell you what you need to hear, not want you want to hear. Surround yourself with those who will push you and challenge you and support you in the changes that you are seeking to make and will hold you accountable to yourself.  It will likely be uncomfortable, but if you want it – Get After It!

Toss off that comfy blanket – you have some soaring to do.

Oops! I ate a Pound Cake

One minute it was nestled in its covering of aluminum foil hanging out on the bottom shelf of my freezer, the next minute it was being sliced by a bread knife and then it was hanging out in my belly.  That slice was tasty, how about another? My boxer dogs were watching so they got a slice too.  Frozen pound cake has a really nice texture – who knew?  WAIT.  Why is that loaf now half a loaf?  Oh geez Louise.  More slicing takes place followed by a quick walk to the front porch where said slices are tossed to the cold wind for birds, squirrels, coyote (hey! anybody but me) to eat.

Did you get a good pic of this in your mind?  Have you ever done anything like this? YA. Me neither. HA! Yes folks, I ate a pound cake.  Oops!   It happens to the best of us.  Those darn frozen baked goods, just can’t trust them to stay put.

What did I do next? Did I pull my hair out? Thrash about beating my chest and crying woe is me?  Did I call myself a loser, an out of control pound cake eater? Did I pledge to drink nothing but water with a sprig of mint the rest of the day to make up for the pound cake train wreck?   NOPE.   It was a pound cake and shizz happens in life.  I don’t eat frozen pound cakes every day. Heck! I’ve challenged myself to eat more vegetables every day for goodness sakes.  So now what?

I wiped the crumbs from my mouth and went on about my day with awareness that what just happened, happened for a reason and I’ve got to fix it so it doesn’t happen again because let’s face it , it wasn’t one of my finer moments.   Although, it was pretty darn tasty.   Hey! it was pound cake.

So what happened?  Plain and simple, nothing mysterious at all.  No out of control addiction. Aliens didn’t take over my body.  I was HUNGRY.   I also love baked goods. If it is a cake or cookie I’m in love with it. I also know that said cakes, cookies and other “bread-like substances” or as I refer to them EBLS (extraneous bread-like substances) are my trigger foods and I will always be able to eat my body weight in them.

Hungry. If we allow ourselves to get too hungry, we don’t make great choices.  

Hungry and we have our trigger foods in the house = a train wreck waiting to happen. 

Where did I go wrong?  I went a bit too gung ho in my quest to eat more vegetables.  What I know about myself (and this is true for most individuals as well) that I must have protein, healthy fat and some fiber-rich carbs to keep myself satisfied and not hungry.  If I eat a big vegetable-only salad or a big plate of vegetables as my primary meal, I’m ready to eat the leg off the kitchen table (or a frozen pound cake) within an hour.  I know better, yet I screwed it up.  Some protein such as beans, a boiled egg, a chunk of cheese, some chicken and some healthy fat such as avocado, olives or walnuts would have turned my vegetables into a satisfying meal.  I simply didn’t eat enough. We must Eat if we want to make better food choices and have the body composition that we seek to improve or maintain.

Where else did I go wrong?  I broke my own rule. One that I established for myself, not because I’m weak, but because I’m Strong.  I kept a known trigger food in my house within easy reach.  Freezing doesn’t slow me down – I know that.  And yet, I got complacent.  We are all susceptible to our trigger foods no matter how well we’ve done with changing habits and making better choices.  I’m not a special snowflake. I knew better.   Don’t trick yourself into thinking that you can keep your poison in the house easy to grab and put it in the fast lane to your belly.   Don’t play games with it.   Be REAL with yourself about your trigger foods and choose to take control.  It isn’t weak to admit that you just can’t live with them under the same roof.  It is Strong to admit it and take action. With that said, I don’t ban my trigger foods from my life or my lifestyle eating plan.  I choose to not have them in my house.  If I want a piece of cake, I enjoy a slice of cake. I just don’t keep a cake in my house because I’m very REAL with myself: there is zero way I can keep an entire cake in my house and not eat the entire thing.  I’m in control and I get to choose who has the power. I choose me.

So, there you go.  I ate a pound cake.  I’ve learned, I’ve moved on.  No beating myself up or starving myself the rest of the day to “make up for it”.  After all, letting myself get Hungry was what led to the OOPs!

What is your OOPs! and what are you going to do about it?